Post by redsimms on Oct 27, 2005 7:17:13 GMT -5
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
>> United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
>> over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>>
>> Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
>> humans."
>>
>> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
>> before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>>
>> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
>> but no Ark.
>>
>> "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>>
>> "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
>> building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
>> a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
>> neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the
>> height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
>> decision.
>>
>> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
>> future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
>> clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
>> would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>>
>> Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
>> trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
>> environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
>>
>> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
>>
>> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
>> argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
>> inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
>>
>> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
>> an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
>> I 'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
>> on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>>
>> Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
>> of the people who want to work.
>>
>> The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
>> only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
>>
>> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
>> to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>>
>> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
>> finish this Ark."
>>
>> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
>> stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
>> you're not going to destroy the world?"
>>
>> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it.
>> United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
>> over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>>
>> Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
>> humans."
>>
>> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
>> before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>>
>> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
>> but no Ark.
>>
>> "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>>
>> "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
>> building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
>> a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
>> neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the
>> height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
>> decision.
>>
>> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
>> future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
>> clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
>> would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>>
>> Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
>> trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
>> environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
>>
>> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
>>
>> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
>> argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
>> inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
>>
>> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
>> an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
>> I 'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
>> on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>>
>> Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
>> of the people who want to work.
>>
>> The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
>> only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
>>
>> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
>> to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>>
>> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
>> finish this Ark."
>>
>> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
>> stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
>> you're not going to destroy the world?"
>>
>> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it.